Why Pride (still) matters
“My wife told me you were dressing up like a f***ot on Instagram.”
This is how my boss, mentor, and “friend” of seven years chose to address me in the lunchroom in front of my co-workers. He was none too impressed with my recent Instagram post of me wearing makeup. I would be “laid off” soon after.
A month earlier, I went to my first Calgary Pride Festival. I attended drag shows, movies, and of course, the parade. I grew up in Provost, Alberta, (pop. 2,000, 4.5 hrs northeast of Calgary) where positive queer representation simply did not exist. Witnessing everyone at Pride celebrating their authentic lives both filled and wrenched my heart. In theory, I knew that there was nothing wrong with being gay or effeminate, yet a lifetime of internalized homophobic and misogynistic conditioning would keep me from living my truth for far too long. It was finally my time.
On the outside, I was in a perceived heterosexual relationship. I thought I could keep the straight facade going. I had kept this secret for an embarrassingly long time from my loved ones, and the longer I went, the more shameful it felt. But after that Pride, it was time to rip the Band-Aid off. Ironically, most people in my life were more disappointed that I had kept my queerness from them over my actual being queer.
I started playing with my gender appearance and wearing skirts, dresses, and makeup. I naturally have a very masculine body shape, but I found messing with people’s presumptions of gender rather amusing. I also felt fierce wearing whatever I wanted outside of the boring masculinity box. While I did not experience gender dysphoria, my liberation from strict heteronormative gender roles led me to experience gender euphoria. Thus, I had gained the confidence to finally post a picture of myself in makeup and essentially “coming out” over social media. While this led to my firing, it also coincided with an upcoming surgery I needed. It was the perfect time to start my new chapter in life. I started online high-school upgrading and eventually, applied and got into Mount Royal University.
While attending Mount Royal University, I found community through the SAMRU Pride Centre and SAGA (Sexuality and Gender Acceptance) Club. I also experienced profound and life-changing lessons through great professors and fellow students, especially in Sociology and Women’s and Gender Studies. My passion for queer studies and history ultimately led me to getting a job in the Archives and Special Collections at MRU’s Riddell Library and Learning Centre. Through this work, I have been documenting and promoting queer history through my professor and new mentor David Aveline, PhD’s donation of his lifetime collection of queer history. Everyday I learn more and appreciate how hard queer people have fought to get to where we are today.
It can be easy to roll eyes at all rainbow capitalism and feel oversaturated by all the rainbow stickers, flags, and crosswalks. Yet I harken back to our recent queer history: Allied forces liberating concentration camps in Nazi Germany, yet keeping gay men imprisoned as homosexuality was still illegal in Canada, the U.S., England, and Russia in 1945; gayness still being considered a disease by the APA until 1974 ; governments’ ignorance in response to the AIDS crisis in the 1980s and ’90s ; Alberta premier Ralph Klein vowing to “do everything in his power to block same-sex marriage… (and) keep his province ‘straight only’” in 2003; and current governments in many jurisdictions proposing and enacting legislation regarding sex eduction and gender affirming care.
As queer people’s rights are consistently used as a political football, Pride serves as a much needed moment of queer joy. As I march in the parade this year, I will also be thinking of those who were like me, attending Pride for the first time and experiencing the love and acceptance being yourself has to offer. As for my old boss’s callout and firing of me, I am thankful. That moment only led me to work harder, prouder, and louder for myself, queer rights, and representation. I am content and fulfilled with my new direction in life and as the old saying goes “happiness is the best revenge.”
Happy Pride.
Sydney Morrissette is a sociology student at Mount Royal University.