What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to manipulate, blame, embarrass, criticize, or shame them in any way. The goal of emotional abuse is to control another individual by discrediting, isolating, or silencing them, and is one of the most difficult forms of abuse to recognize as it can be either subtle and insidious, or overt and manipulative. Emotional abuse can be inflicted by various sources, including parents, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends.
- Unrealistic Expectations:
- Expecting you to put everything aside to meet their needs
- Expecting you to share the same opinion
- Being Treated as Inferior:
- Being insulted, name calling, being sworn at, or being put-down
- Constantly being yelled at
- Having your accomplishments belittled
- Making jokes at your expense
- Being Controlled and Isolated:
- Preventing someone from going out or partaking in specific activities
- Having digital communications monitored or controlled
- Having contact limited with friends/family or creating conflict so a person will limit contact
- Having parts of life controlled such as what you can wear, where you can go, and who you can see
- Being Invalidated:
- Bullying, by intimidation or humiliation
- 'Character assasination' - using the words 'always', or 'never' to describe your behaviour
- 'you're always late', 'you always mess up', 'you are always wrong', 'you never offer to help', 'you never take things seriously'
- Being Emotionally Blackmailed:
- Threatened or implied threats of harm to themself, family, friends, pets, or belongings
- Gaslighting
- Manipulation and ultimatums
- Emotional Neglect or Isolation:
- Withholding affection
- Denying support
- The silent treatment
- Invalidating your needs, boundaries and wants
What is the Impact?
Emotional abuse can leave a significant impact on your mental and emotional state. It can be very confusing when someone you love chooses to say and do things that are hurtful.
- Surprise and confusion
- Questioning one’s own memory: “Did that really happen?”
- Feelings of being undesired, manipulated, or controlled
- Becoming overly passive or compliant
- Feeling powerless and defeated as if nothing you do ever seems to be right
- Lack of confidence and self-esteem
- Loss of, or inability to trust others
- Disturbances in sleep
- Feeling trapped and alone and withdrawn
- Depression
- Low self-esteem and self-worth
- Suicidal ideation, thoughts, or attempts
- Addiction to substances such as drugs and alcohol
Emotional abuse in children can lead to various long-term effects, such as:
- Developmental delays
- Speech disorders
- Extreme emotions
- Inappropriate behaviour for their age
- Social withdrawal
- Learning disabilities
It is important to remember that emotional abuse is never okay and it is never your fault. It is very normal to want to love and be loved and is very confusing when a partner changes from being loving to being emotionally abusive. There is support available to help you manage the confusion that you may be experiencing and to help you decide what next steps feel right.
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse please visit the Resources and Contact Information section for resources.